I am someone with a million great ideas at any given time. I recently found an old resume’ of mine that said, “Idea Guru” somewhere in the caption under my name. I laughed, but also nodded in agreement with myself. I love the beginning phases of an idea. The details that represent emotional pieces of me and how nobody will ever know those secrets, but every single thing will be shrouded in purpose. There’s always a moment where I realize how much work it is going to be or how much up front money is going to be needed and then my great idea withers away in the wind like a puff of smoke.
Often this leaves me feeling defeated and ashamed. Then I tell myself it’s okay, it wasn’t meant to be and that’s why it fizzled away. The universe was saying NOPE, not that one-move on!
For a few weeks now I have been tiptoeing through an idea, a dream that I had years ago but stepped away. I didn’t abandon it because of the intense work and the size of the project, but because imposter syndrome told me that I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t a real artist and I would never find the patience to see such a large project through to the end. So I moved on to the next.
This project has shown itself again, but this time it comes to me with so much power behind it. Im learning astrology and my chart-to discover what the stars and planets have to say about my destiny and my purpose. Im listening to the call of things that make my soul and spirit dance together. -And due to the pandemic, I have a LOT of time to contemplate such a project with patience and love for the work it will entail.
I am creating my own Tarot Deck. I am painting 78 original paintings to represent each of the cards and that is not something that I can finish in a week or a month and possibly not even in a year. I will be frustrated, defeated and tired of it many, many times over. I will become distracted by other easy projects and I will resent it at times because it isn’t paying the bills, its only costing time and money and space in my house!
But I will keep going, because it is a creation. It is art and I will document my journey-which is my number one love, writing.
Today I pulled a card from my new oracle deck and got the Rainmaker.
This is what this beautiful card is saying to me….
“ The Rainmaker is the master of manifestation….calling you to create something new from the elements that are already in your life. Be sure to work with what is, and not with what might be or could have been. The seeds that have been silently germinating in your heart will burst forth ready for the sunlight. Do not hold back; put all your chips on the next roll of the divine dice!”
I have begun many things and I have even returned to ideas once forgotten, but this one is different. This is a calling and I don’t know what will come of it, but I know some will buy my deck and it will carry them on their own journey. I hope some will read as I post about learning the traditional meanings of Tarot while honoring intuitive readers such as myself. Some might even feel inspired or encouraged to search for their own purpose or tackle the idea that they once thought was just too much.
It will be hard, I will want to quit-but I won’t. Because everything around me is telling me to create this, because as the Rainmaker dances for rain…that rain covers the earth and serves so much more than her own crops.