Dark, Honest...and a little broken.
I am no expert at healing or processing emotions, but I have experience and I believe that it is with these experiences that I have learned some valuable life lessons. I wish I could say that once I've learned them, I remember, but that's definitely not always the case. This book was originally called "Note to Self" because it was born from all of the a-ha moments that I had and shared on social media. Once I would post, I kept going back to re-read them in hopes that they would stick in my brain. Some do, many don't. This book was encouraged by some people who are very close to me and know my story. They suggested that my writing could possibly help others begin to heal, but I had no idea how much healing it would bring me to write it.
When it comes to Trauma-even just that word can cause a heavy emotional reaction in some. Our world is really starting to shine light on so many traumatic wrongs that many, many of us suffer silently through. My trauma is not as big as others and although I do acknowledge that with a thankful sigh, I have also learned that it does not lessen what my own experience was. It doesn't mean that mine should be easier to let go of. When things happen in our childhood-it is not an adult learning to compartmentalize and process it. It's a child. A child who is still learning about this world and life. A child who really just needs a safe place to land. Some of us didn't get that. Some of us have only known fear and anxiety. Now as adults we silently wonder why we are who we are. We wonder why we can't change and relax and live a happier life. We wonder why we catastrophize and worry about things that haven't even happened. It's our trauma. It shows up without warning, without explanation and without any sort of mercy. It is not the adult calling the shots in those moments, it's the child who was hurt and is still very, very scared. It's okay. Your story is yours and how you process it is yours to discover and the work is yours to do. My book does not get into detail about my childhood trauma and the reason is simple, I'm not ready. But it is time to acknowledge it and use it as a starting point for some deeper conversations and as an invitation for others to start to heal. We can't erase it and it will continue to surface, but I just want everyone to know that you are not alone. Yes we should leave the past where it is, but also be aware of all the many, many ways that it tries to sneak back into our today's. This means, there is still much work to be done. I hope that my book offers a safe and brave place for you to scribble and write and begin to do your work. Love yourself, love your story and love your strength. We are okay.